Dreams From Days Gone By

I used to have fun dreams all the time, but over the past few years, they've been far between. I had one earlier this week where Laura was leaving me for Peyton Manning, and Peyton was being a real jerk about it (even beating me up at one point). I did complain that it wasn't fair - his job allowed for him to become a better physical specimin than me and he shouldn't keep kicking me, but if anything, it just encouraged him.

Dan said that there was no way Peyton Manning would have been that mean to me. If he was going to steal my wife, he would at least give me a cameo in one of his commercials in exchange.

Anywho, it got me thinking back to some of my old dreams that just made me laugh so much. Here's one from way back almost three years ago.

The Zus and I were in Congress (as representatives). But it was like an older-style congress. Everyone was dressed in like 1800's style clothes, us included. I guess that doesn't necessarily mean it was back in the day, but if it wasn't, we were all dressed pretty funny.

Anywho, Josh was, apparently, a rebel in congress and had made no shortage of enemies who wanted to stop the progress he was preaching. We had a few other allies with us, but there were some old-timers who wanted nothing other than getting Josh to stop trying to push his progressive agendas. Well, after a break for lunch, I came back into the meeting hall and the "bad guys" were all eyeing me and a few of Josh's other allies evilly. Then, one guy came up to us and said, "They found some information on Josh that they're going to try to use to have him impeached." Everyone was frantically looking around for Josh to try to prepare him for this, but he was nowhere to be found. The bad guys had some lobbyist out distracting him until the meeting was called so that nobody could get to him beforehand to warn him. I, being Josh's unspoken second-in-command, was given responsibility for making sure Josh wasn't blindsided. He was the face of the future, after all! The allies said, "Make sure that when the bad guys make their accusation that Josh refutes it with a well-planned argument. If he doesn't dispute the claim, then they can call that his silent agreement and it will be easier for them to get rid of him."

So finally, Josh walks in, but the gavel bangs all to order and you can get kicked out of congress if you're not in your seat (apparently). So I sat down and tried to get Josh's attention, but with no luck. And if I didn't warn Josh, I had to count on his New York temper to force him to refute the statement. A pretty good bet, most times, but I remember Josh has been trying to learn how to act civil, and he might bite his tongue.

The leader of the bad guys stands up and says, "For the next action, I move to impeach Josh!" There's some commotion and Josh stands up... but he doesn't say anything! So I stand up angrily and shout out, "ON WHAT GROUNDS!" trying to get him to say something that will trigger Josh's reaction. Apparently the bad guys weren't ready for me to say that, because their response was, "He's not a nice guy and he has funny hair." There was some murmur of agreement throughout the room, but Josh just started laughing.

And then I woke up. But I'm confident that with a case like theirs, we would have beaten that rap. No worries, Josh. You can pedal your progressive propaganda all you like. The bad guys can't stop you! I think he does have funny hair, though.

Nightmare

Last night I had a bad dream. I was back in high school, and both Brian and Dan were in my class. The teacher was asking about a math problem, and had us all figure it out. I figured it out, and I knew I had it right, because I had figured out the trick in it. At the end, she called on Dan to give the answer. He gave the wrong answer - the one you can reach only if you forgot that the number problem did not involve a simple multiplcation, but actually involved a reducing addition (so instead of 4x6, you'd do 6+5+4+3 - that kind of thing). Brian jumped up and yelled, "yeah!" and high-fived Dan. The teacher asked me what I thought the answer was, so I told her the different answer. She shook her head and said:

"I'm sorry, Mike. Brian and Dan are right, and you are wrong."

I woke up in a cold sweat. It was terrible!

I Had a Dream Last Night

It's been disappointing, really. For a long time, I had crazy dreams all the time. Serious Mike battling a crocodile, myself being Batman's sidekick, and the Pope performing Mass for the US Senate on a beach in New Jersey. But of late, I haven't had many great dreams. Or if I had, I haven't remembered them.

Last night I finally had a good dream again. It started with myself and Laura going on a vacation trip with my college buddies. I don't know exactly where we went, but it was going to be a week-long trip again in which we were all going to take dancing lessons.

Well, when we arrived at the vacation spot, we all headed to the grocery store. This was one of those smaller mom & pop ones that you find in small towns. Somehow, I got in my hands a twinkie. But throughout the entire dream, nobody ever referred to it as such. It was always a "tasty spongecake."

So I was running around the grocery store with my tasty spongecake when one of the employees stopped me. He was angry. Evidently if I could not respect a tasty spongecake (which running around with it seemed to prove I could not), I could not join my friends in the dance lessons.

For the entire week, I sat around in the house we had rented, moping around, while everyone else went to the awesomely-fun dance lessons (or so I gathered from their conversations when they got home). They even rented a limousine when they went to one of the lessons!

I was very depressed about the whole thing, so much so that in my best Anakin Skywalker voice, I cornered Adam at one point and said to him, "This is the worst vacation EEEEVER!"

Then I woke up.

I don't even like twinkies.